not the morning not to see my cats

This is not the morning not to see my cats on the patio.

From about like three to five there was a constant string of meows that seemed to come from across Sweet Tooth Street. I was not inclined to go searching other people’s yards with a flashlight. It did not help that I had a hell of a time falling asleep in the first place, not managing to drift off finally until after one.

The meows were funny, too. They did not sound like the meows of injury. Nor were there any dog growls. It was closer to the kind of meow given when a cat wants to go out, though perhaps projected louder.

I am really afraid this is it. And that it’s my Coco. She is always here in the morning, eager to come inside. You just know that one of these scares has to turn out real.

Coco is the dearest in my heart

And there's Coco. Perfectly fine.

This experience is final proof that Coco is the dearest in my heart. There is still no Ash, but I feel nothing but relief, tinged only slightly by feelings of doubt and guilt.

There is no question that Ash ought to be number one. The most special cat. There's the connection to Willy, and more than that, we have always known her to be surprisingly nurturing, going all the way back to her litter days. Like she has an extra fifteen points of feline IQ.

None of this is to say that losing her would mean nothing to me. It is just that I was so sure that Coco was gone for good from our lives. Moreover, it is not unusual these days for Ash not to show up all day until the evening for dinner. I am nervous about her, but we will only have a true Ash scare if she does not show up tonight.

Chuck 4

I have finished season four. I suppose it ended a little better than it began, but not by a whole lot. There is no question that I am going to complete the set, and just hope that the creative team was inspired when they drew up season five to finish off their show.

Such a dopey show, though, really. Even at its best. Oh, I am glad that I got inerested in it, for my life is surely enough of a blank, so devoid of anything but my aging. I am sure it is better to be interested in even dopey things than to just always wonder why there is not anything truly great, as one comes to the conclusion that one is really just trying to fill the void of what should have been a life, you know, that thing with friends, lovers, a wife, your kids.

So, I'm thinking: it is lucky just to fall interested in something, no matter how the connection happens. In this case, for instance, it would never have happened but for Susanna's interest and her cheering of the show, and my desire to be interested in something she was interested in, since she was being incredibly generous, even buying me gifts over the Internet. Maybe it is a little like love. I mean, how can you really fall in love with another messy, smelly, severely flawed human being, but what a happy fortune to do so, because I am sure that it is not right for you just to be by your lonesome all the time, with no lover and partner by your side. Maybe it is even a little like religion or Christianity. You can easily do without it, but it does fill your mindscape nicely if you do give in to it at least a little.

You need to make connections in your life. You need to find things that can interest you. Even if it's silly, dopey stuff like "Chuck". I am glad I got into it. My life is oddly richer for it.

One big question: Will I ever watch my way through all the shows again? I hope so, and not just becaused I spent an appreciable sum of money on the DVDs. I like the thought of feeling inspired in another ten years to give it a run, as I am nearing sixty, and as I am watching the first few episodes, I smile a little misty-eyed and say, "Yeah, I'll watch them all."

there is Ash

And there is Ash. Later than usual but as fine as ever. One can get the impression that she really does not like us, but I was a little relieved when she sought some affection as well as food. Where does she go?