
Somewhere in the middle of December I said I was going to wait until January 7 before I check on Sugar's Twitter again. Looking at her tweets this evening, the wait has proven rather anti-climactic. There were no quick flashes of wit or insight, nor any lead to a trending outrage for our Social Justice Warriors, nor any sweet pictures of her in a wee dress. The plan is to check her out once a month. For a long time I had fallen back to obsessively reading her feed multiple times throughout the day. I needed to break that habit, for it is a dispiriting exercise to follow one who dropped you for dead a long time ago. Although she is indeed a little charismatic and witty, good enough to be a minor local celebrity of sorts, a big part of my problem was my lack of e-life in general. I am dead to a lot of people, I guess. I hunger for even the ghost of a personal connection. If Gabe, Christie, Jena or others I knew fondly are still blogging, I have no idea where on the Internet they are gossiping and sharing their barbs of wit along with their personal lives, apparently not needing me at all to help keep their conversations lively. They did a good and thorough job of covering their trail from me. Sugar, on the other hand, was never one to hide on the Internet. If it were feasible, she might take out billboard ads inviting people to her webpages. How could lonely, shunned me resist?
As for following Sugar's trail of tweets, there have been a number of occasions over the years when I have limited my shy stalking. Once I even quit cold turkey for many months, maybe over a year. One time I limited myself to checking her out once a season - once in the feverish spring, once in the overheated summer, once in the fade of autumn, and once in the dead of winter. The problem with such limits is that, when I do go check her feed, I will read something that re-enchants me, so that it would strike me as silly not to read her. I read Andrew Sullivan without ever getting anything back from him, right? So why not read her? It then becomes a hard habit again, but she is not Andrew Sullivan, and I have feelings for her that are not returned or even received, and ... that dispiriting thing sets in, bleeding my soul slowly. So, as I said, I will treat myself to her tweets only once a month, maybe graduating to once a season again, and then we will see what's what.