food on the patio overnight

For the first time since I started being more chary about leaving the plate of cat food on the patio overnight, I slept solid and did not get around to putting the plate out until about three. All three cats were there and waiting on it.

Worse, as sometimes happens if I do enjoy a solid three or fours hours of sleep off the bat, I could not manage to fall back asleep. I have been reading "Great Expectations", and I finally gave in to the urge to fire up Pop's computer and see what's happening in my e-universe.

Falstaff

Blurty day.

Pop is in the kitchen, talking with Vic presumably. Apparently Falstaff has stopped drinking. Must be serious health issues. Though, I would have took him for one of those "Give me beer or give me death!" types.

Ronny is also fourteen years old. I think April is his birthday month, like his father, or at least like Jack.

that kind of Saturday

It is suppose to be a blurty day, but I am very quiet, I know. But it has been that kind of Saturday. It's not even hot. So placid and easygoing.

I am watching "Blade Runner" over my meals. I know I've seen it, maybe twice, but it's like seeing it for the first time, for all that my memory kept of the movie.

A good movie helps to smoothen the time.

I am also making more of a point to read my fun stuff on the Kindle. I want to pick up the pace on this fun reading, even though I am not book-blogging it. I am anxious to get to that novel "Strange Flesh".

something to get out of bed for

It was a good nap, but like most of them, I get up with depressing thoughts of my hopelessness. There was even a little more focus in these brooding reveries today.

The question: if I truly accepted and fully internalized that I will never ever have a friend or a lover or a good time, no more than I have had throughout my entire adult life, which is none, no one, nothing, could I continue to live out my days as I do?

This is not really a new insight or view, I know. But it does have a more resounding note of finality.

The answer is as it has always been or at least as has been the case since I was finally able to open up my reading life. That is, so long as the living comes easy, thanks to Pop and my fair health, yes, I am perfectly content to go on savoring the play of the language in literature. It is something to get out of bed for in the morning, and in the afternoon. If just barely.

1984 (2,7) It Can't Last Much Longer

Orwell closes the chapter with Winston and Julia having a frank, tender discussion about the likelihood of being caught by the Party. Although they understand that their affair is doomed, they take emotional refuge in the idea that, whatever else the Party may do to them, they cannot get them to give up their inner-feelings of love for each other, that they possess this inner-kernel of essential humanity that no torture or drugs can reach. Or so they fancy.

_ _ _

He thought for a little while. 'Has it ever occurred to you,' he said, 'that the best thing for us to do would be simply to walk out of here before it's too late, and never see each other again?'

'Yes, dear, it has occurred to me, several times. But I'm not going to do it, all the same.'

'We've been lucky,' he said 'but it can't last much longer. You're young. You look normal and innocent. If you keep clear of people like me, you might stay alive for another fifty years.'

( Read more... )

"Blade Runner"

To delete "Blade Runner" or not to delete "Blade Runner"? I struggled over the question. It's a classic, and I have far inferior stuff saved up, but, in the end, there really isn't anything that commands repeated viewing, save for that one scene in which Harrison Ford poses as a morals police officer with that hottie who is undressing, as he asks if she had been made to do something repulsive or lewd (like film that scene). She says, "You got to be kidding?" I deleted it. I trust that, in another five years or so, I'll get another opportunity to watch it. Who knows, maybe I will have read the book by then: "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep".

my toilet

I need to get cracking on my toilet. I'm planning on a library trip this week, and tonight is probably my best opportunity.

It's already after eight-thirty. Gotta get started!