Iris Murdoch

“Looking at Western societies I think that if we have religion, we shall have to have religion without God, because belief in a personal God is becoming increasingly impossible for many people. It’s a difficult question actually to know what believing in a personal God is. I know that I don’t believe in one. I don’t want to use the word god in any other sense. I think it’s a proper name. I don’t believe in the divinity of Christ. I don’t believe in life after death. My beliefs really are Buddhist in style. I’ve been very attached to Buddhism. Buddhism makes it plain that you can have religion without God, that religion is in fact better off without God. It has to do with now, with every moment of one’s life, how one thinks, what one is and does, about love and compassion and the overcoming of self, the difference between illusion and reality.”

-- Iris Murdoch

57. Old Homelife

A five o’clock morning, almost. About five-thirty. It was so chilly, it felt a little like January. I don’t think I ever had occasion to say that in June before. Since I felt wide awake, I decided to open all the windows and doors, wanting to take advantage of the cool air and get more of it inside the house before the sun rises.

I also had a lot on my mind. I was thinking a lot more about recollecting memories from the deep and dark past and of childhood lost, and putting them here with these ‘chapters’ on our current day-to-day life. This ‘book’ would remain very homey, although the story would now traverse more freely across time, including our old homelife, when the home was fuller and we were very young. Maybe once this gets started in earnest, the memories will come quicker and fuller, for whatever those poor memories of a trifling life may be worth. You can only write what you know.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A five o’clock morning, almost. About five-thirty. It was so chilly, it felt of winter. Since I felt wide awake, I decided to open the windows and the doors, wanting to take advantage of the cool air and get more of it inside the house before the sun rises overhead.

I also had a lot on my mind.

I got to thinking about a new trail of potential journal entries, if not yet another blog, in which I recall the people and events of my early life. I even have the sections in mind: childhood, Yokota, Rapid City, UTSA, and UT days.

This got started, I think, when I was doing my Three Journal work on the 1990s. In culling what crumbs I could scavenge from that muck, I was prepared to also recreate memories as they might be pricked by some of those crumbs. Obviously, the idea about re-creating my lost past snowballed from there.

However, I got to thinking that if any memories were worth forgetting about, surely it is mine. What a nothing life! Surely, it would be a better use of my time just to cull quotes from books; this might not be a great use of my time, but it would be better than dwelling on the emptiness of my life.

But I also consider that there may indeed be crumbs worth salvaging. Maybe I can simply moderate the project. I could bring back the old life as part of the Two Journal. Both the old life and the homelife do share a peculiar blandness. And I will probably want to make the journal entries very brief on these old memories. Only brevity may make them at least palatable.

The debate goes on about what to do. It’s only a pity that I cannot do something real, or even something that makes money.

Cats

I'm out on the patio, getting the gas can for the mower. All three cats are dozing on the patio furniture, which I love, but I do hate how each cat has its own little cloud of gnats or midges hovering overhead. You would think that this might help the cats to favor being indoors where they can be free from such annoyances. But I guess they are wild at heart and favor the open air.

The Savage God

“A fellow who shoots himself for the sake of a girl he cannot sleep with is a fool, and one fool, more or less, in the world is of no consequence.”

-- Anonymous

The quote was taken during that swirl of suicides attributed to the seductive romanticism of Goethe’s “The Sorrows of Young Werther”.

[Source: A. Alvarez, "The Savage God"]

58. Cable Guy

Pop is never going to overcome the temptation to get something for nothing. After all, a person generally does not grow in character and intelligence in one’s seventies, and we were never good growers in the first place. I just wish he could adopt the rule of hanging up the phone when salespeople call. The catch here, though, is that he loves talking to people on the phone, and I guess this is often the hook that is used to catch lonely old folks.

The prize they dangled before his eyes this time was the promise of having our Internet connection ‘turbocharged!’ At least this is something I can appreciate and enjoy, too. But it was just another ploy to get us to switch from Dish to their cable-TV service, in one of those ‘package deals’. They sweet-talked Pop well enough that he allowed a workman to come to the house, but when it became crystal clear that they want us to lose Dish, Pop was able to turn the cable guy away, albeit with a little help from me to stiffen his spine. Even in spite of all the problems we have had in recent months connecting to the satellite, Pop remains fiercely loyal to Dish.

Quick Notes

First, Pop turned back the cable guy and their slippery deal to have our Internet connection 'turbo-charged', requiring a package deal for cable TV. They assured Pop it wouldn't interfere with Dish, but that was at least quasi-fraudulent. I wish Pop would give up on buying things from salespeople on the phone.

Second, Pop left for a ceremony for Becky's being on the honor roll. He says she's a "smart kid". I don't point out that I was a honor roll kid myself.

He also notes that Ronny has taken German and impressed a teacher enough that he urged Ronny to study another language. Pop says that Spanish is a good and obvious choice. But I have a feeling that Jack and Jill would prefer to stay away from a colored language. I would bet French. However, I doubt he knows German hardly at all. I would be surprised if he could handle himself in a German city without recourse to English, but I don't really know. Maybe his school and its language program is more impressive than I would have thought.

Third, I mowed the front and a good third of the back yard. I wasn't going to do any of the back, but I still felt good after finishing the first, and I thought it would be good to knock out that side strip that is key for the cats, and that I got that front plat done since I was on a roll. But then it was getting late and I was getting seriously tired. I have taken a liken to making the mowing a two-day job.

59. The Kids

Pop left to attend a school ceremony for Becky. She made the honor roll. He said she is a “smart kid”. I easily hold back the urge to remind him that I was an honor roll kid myself.

On the subject of the kids, Pop also points out that Ronny was commended by his teacher for his proficiency in the German language. The teacher urged Ronny to pursue yet another language. Pop pointed out that Spanish is an obvious choice, living here in the southwest. But I suspect that Jack and Jill would prefer to stay away from the stigma of a colored language.

Personally, I am skeptical that Ronny, bright as he may be, is that conversant in German. How could he learn such a skill here, in his lower-class public school? In an upper-class school and with a year’s study in Germany, sure, one can see that. But I cannot truly know. Maybe his school and its language program is more impressive than I would imagine, or maybe I underestimate Ronny.

60. University of Texas

Is this a joke? The University of Texas sent me a postcard, congratulating me for the 25th anniversary of my graduation. It is too bad that they did not think to stick a twenty-dollar bill inside the card. I could have used that.

But I will probably keep the card. It does bring back the memories of when I was a rather optimistic twenty-something, still hoping to make a man 0f myself in the world. I still have a hard time believing, at forty-eight, that this is what my life has turned out to be, even though it is what I wake up to every morning, for about the last twenty-five years.

Daily Fun

Tallest Tree House In BC (by Keith Watson aka Keith Watson

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