Thomas Jefferson

“Those who labor in the earth are the chosen people of God.”

-- Thomas Jefferson (1783)

Mr. Wilentz writes that this did not mean that he scorned urban culture and commerce, but that he was focused on financial speculators and such who got wealth without actually contributing anything to the economy, as well as on the city dwellers who were dependent on employers for their livelihood. Yet, I wonder if Wilentz over-rationalizes to perhaps explain away the great contradictions between Jefferson’s professed ideals and his actual lifestyle.

[Source: Sean Wilentz, “The Rise of American Democracy: Jefferson to Lincoln”]

Robert Frost

Who said poets are not tough guys?

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Young Robbie’s rebellious side gradually came forward, and he fell in with a local gang … the gang was led by a tall, muscular boy of fourteen called Seth Balsa. Robbie soon “learned to live by his fists,” he said. His mother was quite naturally appalled by her son’s activities, most of which he kept from her (including the petty thievery that was part of any gang’s reason for existence), but his father took this roguish play as a sign of the boy’s ineherent toughness and character. A brawler himself, he did not want to raise a son afraid to stand his own ground. Indeed, this fighting instinct never deserted Robert Frost, and “many of his friends in later life considered his eagerness to take on all comers a defining characteristic.”

-- Jay Parini, “Robert Frost: A Life”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Pop's Black Deal

I guess that is why Pop was sitting so long in the car on the driveway when he came in last night. It must have been a little challenging to come inside the house. He had quite a bombshell to drop on me. I thought he was in the middle of an absorbing conversation on his Bluetooth phone, but he was probably struggling with his conscience for what he did to me. I still have not fully absorbed the impact and have yet to assess the full extent of the damages, but I think he pretty much killed me. And all for a curved TV.

~ ~ ~

It is apparent that I no more have a father than I had a mother. I can understand mother favoring Jack, but it is an amazing trick that Pop should do so as well, giving everything to the son of a man who fucked his wife, while leaving his one true son with absolutely nothing. The power of white skin! Wow.

~ ~ ~

After he put his stuff away, Pop came into the big room to tell me that he decided to get his curved TV, after all. I was not exactly shocked by this, but I would be by the next part. He said he found a way to pay for it. Get this: he is getting Jack to help him. Jack will pay for half of the monthly bill, about forty or fifty dollars. That is not the bombshell. This is it: he told Jack that he is going to be getting everything anyway when he dies.

Everything?

Maybe my sense of logic is not perfect, but that would seem to mean that I must get nothing when he dies. I imagine Jack must have asked about that: "What about Monk?" And I wonder what exactly did Pop say to that. Just how cold-blooded was he? Did he say, "He's going to be homeless. He cannot take care of anything."

Of course, this is actually true, but this kind of really locks in that destiny. I might have been able to use the diamond rings for some cash to help me. Do I get to keep some of my books? Can I take a sandwich with me? If I ask Jack nicely, putting the right amount of grovel in my begging?

~ ~ ~

Pop and I have never talked about what I am going to do when he dies. I have had no idea what is even in his mind. I would have bet that it is not something that he ever thinks about, that it is just one of those uncomfortable questions that one is happy to ignore. I know that I try to keep from dwelling on it.

~ ~ ~

In strictly material terms, I may be making too much of a big deal of this. I was doomed in the event of Pop's death anyway. This way, until he dies, which could be some years away, my lifestyle might actually improve a bit. Pop is so excited about the TV that he talks about getting Netflix and being sure to set up the TV so that we can watch the programming on the TV rather than on a computer screen. Of course, I am not really that big on watching television, especially since we got computers in the household, but I do enjoy a movie or a program every once in a while, particularly with my meals, and Netflix should offer more variety.

~ ~ ~

And maybe I should not be so hard on mom and dad. They have taken me in and allowed me to do my thing for all these years, without even hassling me about a job ((well, except perhaps a couple of times during my first couple of years back home from college, a couple of small suggestions that a job might be a good idea)).

Still, it is not happiness to know that your father is willing to sell you out for a TV set. It is not pleasant to have failed to win your parents' respect and love. But I guess it is the price I was willing to pay to live my days as I do.

Cats

I decided to make a big play for the cats. It has not been raining for a while, and I have let them out, even though the ground is quite wet from all the drizzling. They have been so good and quiet these past couple of days, and in light of my ill-treatment by Pop, I felt like being somewhat magnanimous. There is a 30% chance of rain showers overnight, but even if they get caught out in the neighborhood, the temperatures will be in the sixties, so that they will not have to suffer hard. We may be in for harder rain over the weekend, and it would be better not to let this opportunity go.

Marilyn

"I sometimes feel as if I’m too exposed. I’ve given myself away, the whole of me, every part, and there’s nothing left that’s private, just me alone. If you feel low, you might worry that there’s nothing new to give. But that’s not true-not ever. You discover things inside yourself you never knew were there. You always go on developing."

-- Marilyn Monroe, 1961, Conversations with Marilyn by W.J Weatherby

Cats

Shit, I was coming out with the plate of food and was going to stay out with them for a few minutes, but I see that it has resumed raining. I bring the plate back inside, and now I have three cats to catch. Oh, lord, wish me luck!